This article isn’t for the bored. And if you feel terribly positive right now – you probably won’t after you’re done. There. Now that that’s done…
It feels so good to make overarching statements about life and the universe – makes you feel powerful and all-knowing, when you so obviously aren’t. This isn’t an article like that. This one’s , for once , very simple. I just want to talk.
I’m not sure what’s bothering me really – the lack of belief that plagues everything I do or the idea that I haven’t found my passion in life yet. Though I actually think I have. I tend to like reading about psychology, I enjoy studying it, I enjoy understanding it’s effects and results and conclusions. That must mean something right? It should hopefully mean that that’s what I should do the rest of my life – I plan to anyway. But if it’s destined to not get anywhere why bother? Such absolute pessimism dogs many of my thoughts and decisions and remains firmly out of my control.
Imagine being able to control your emotions – an iron fist around the tiny bean sized amygdala in the brain – do YOU think you’d be a better person? Or would it turn you into an automaton? Would a lack of feelings fundamentally make us zombies? Without actually considering the definition of zombies. It’s an interesting thought – like the notion of what not feeling pain would turn us into. Are we good as humans(pick whatever definition of being human that you will – I don’t care)? Do we deserve to exist in the first place? What right do I have to ask that question anyway? I can’t represent even a minor percentage of the population. But society makes me want to try.
I wonder if being completely solitary would’ve affected me in some drastic way – would I have named coconuts so that I have friends(Cast Away – pretty good movie in retrospect)? I wouldn’t know what friends are so why bother trying to have them? I wouldn’t know the very existence of society or the norms or anything else that I am forced to comply with now. It sounds like a very carefree existence – one that would be filled with eternal doubt over my continued presence on the world and what purpose it serves.
Recently I saw a documentary that commented on how we can use our ability to classify things to do great harm to each other. As we learn more about our own minds would you say that the possibility of mind control only increases? Would it be bad if it was invented? How much worse off would you be? The mind control might even make you a hell of a lot happier than you are now. My life would be bliss I’m sure. The people in control couldn’t possibly have any other plans for me. And after I die I wouldn’t care if I was going to heaven or hell , I wouldn’t even care that I was going to die. When we’re so sure we’re going to die anyway why spend so much time worrying about it? It should just serve as motivation to get on with life – to actually do something rather than just laze around and mooch off someone. I feel great motivation when I think of the idea that I could prove the non-existence of God for sure. I actually treasure the thought that people would try to lynch me for it. It’d be so satisfying to know that I’d fundamentally altered the societal fabric – I’d’ve ripped and torn it apart with that actually.
(Edit: I watched Life of Pi and realised that God deserves to exist even if I don’t believe in Him, so that path for tearing apart the social fabric doesn’t exist anymore.)
When I get up every morning I always feel like having tea. Nothing else. Like, if I know that I’ll get some tea in the morning it gives me inspiration to wake up – something about the semi-sweet generally brown liquid tempts me greatly. And I love satiating that temptation. Addictions must feel like that. Like you’d be happy to do something if you could get your next dose or shot or whatever other weird metaphor is applied to pushing chemicals into your body to mess with what millions of years of evolution has nearly perfected.
You have a memory which is less that one-fourth the size of your hard disk and it can store terabytes and terabytes(petabytes?) of information. Not just that. It can also get you the information really really quickly and see the transitions from one state to the other – like some sort of graph where you know the transitive closure. I hate talking like I know about all this – like I can try to educate you about it when in reality my understanding is as superficial as it can be. I just have the desire to scoop up that top layer of water and throw it in your face.
I’ve always wanted to write something as rambling as this was. This is how I think – how my mind transitions from one things to another so rapidly that my concentration dwindles within a second. I don’t exactly know why that is, but my doctor – this guy who lives on the web diagnosed it as some form of ADD and I was surprised and satisfied to belong to some category. In retrospect I still don’t get why there’s such a desperate need to belong. Back to the point on solidarity – I’m sure I wouldn’t have cared about ADD had I lived that life.
Well I was definitely hoping to reach 1000 words with this article but this is as close as I’m getting I think so I’ll finish this off by saying that learning new languages makes people smarter. I was thinking about it last night thanks to a friend and I like how we believe that and the belief of it tends to add to the already documented effect. A self-serving bias, albeit a positive one for once.
I hope I made you think.