There’s always something that can blow up inside any chemistry lab , now the funny thing is when all you are attracted to is that stuff that will blow up. That , is me .

I love searching for the stuff that ca do something scary because I love the rush of adrenaline flowing through my system and flooding my brain making it impossible to think clearly . Its been one of my drugs for sure . So the beginning to this desire was in tenth when it was suggested we steal , no that is far too harsh; ‘borrow’ the sodium so that we could perform our own clever little experiment where we would be putting it into water and watching it blow. I was literally shivering with excitement at the thought of gazing at that massive( as I thought ) explosion . There were obviously no thoughts for the dangers , ‘who cares? ‘ we all thought .

A questionable plan was initiated : one would distract the guard while another rushed inside and used the stolen key to open the cupboard and steal the ‘Na’. I was the one given with this dubious task . So I pull out this can which I had seen was the sodium just in the morning . We all quickly run back to our building ensuring no one suspects but constantly feeling that everyone knew what we had done and we’d be caught immediately . I hid the glass bottle inside some bushes to the back of a wall so that no one would on accident happen to chance across it .

Later during a free period , we rushed to or prize, picked up the bottle and ran to our chosen spot for this brilliant experiment with a large bottle of water. All the ‘apparatus required’ were within our grasp and God , had we waited a long time for this moment . We gather around the treasured bottle in a circle which I reverently hold in my hand and twist the cap open with the other .

A gasp of disappointment echoed through the still , quiet forest . I had stolen Zinc instead of what we actually required-what a waste of our efforts . My eyes had let me down yet again , and all my friends were preparing to bombard me with a string of insults when we were interrupted by the sudden appearance of a teacher , and being where we shouldn’t be , we considered running but gave up on that possibility and stood awaiting the expected .

After being dragged to the Principal’s office we were given a stern lecture for being where we should never had gone . Luckily we were given only a small punishment since our lame excuse of us following a lizard achieved the necessary – an escape from the dreaded office .

The Zinc bottle was never recovered for I had dropped it in the forest to appear to be completely innocent, which was a very easy task for me at the time . It’s only now that I always look guilty simply because everyone’s perceptions are coloured by the kind of person that I now am . I was far too sensible back then . Except for a few incidents . Like this one .


In V for Vendetta , one man creates a mass uprising  with the whole population fighting against the oppressive and terrorising government . I fell for the storyline , i was captivated by the difference made by this one single entity . He inspired people and helped them believe in themselves .

How many world leaders of today could actually do that ?

But I immediately reached a quandary, suppose we let one person dictate our actions because he made them seem appropriate , would we go to war , kill other human beings based on boundaries and destroy lives ? Of course we would  and have as well . So is there a justification in letting myself LIKE this kind of revolution in a movie when in reality I would actually detest it . I am now forced to define what is right and wrong, otherwise how can I accept the same thing under only slightly altered circumstances ?

Right would be when the revolution was concerned with making people have greater strength in themselves to overcome any kind of fear and oppression but at the same time not enrage them so much they are gladly willing to engage in violence ( look at the USA with respect to the terrorism and the rest of their attacks where there was such unnecessary loss of human life) .

Whenever I consider such a situation I conclude with a disappointing thought that dictators, whose sole motive is to ensure betterment of the people,  are the most sensible solution. And the only way to choose them should be to make them undergo a rigorous test where they are forced to confront EVERY fault in their psyche which would not help in the development of a nation the ones who show the best results would be called upon to make the right decisions.

Would YOU take the job? That level of responsibility would be the equivalent of holding everyone’s life in your fist. Its not unfair but it is a little scary because a misguided dictator could ruin a country . So we compromise and we make sure the power is distributed.

This is what i hate about all of humanity , we are ALWAYS forced to compromise , the biggest fault in ALL of our psyche. What if finally there was NO compromise , there was one way or none at all ? Would we be able to handle it ?  . . Happiness may be important  but living without compromise is definitely rather appealing  , I just cant imagine how tough life would be then . I mean i practically compromise every second of my life .. hmmm , worth a thought ..

End of the Universe

No this is NOT a doomsday article.

I was contemplating the possibility of the universe having an end to it .

Say you’re in a room right now, you see a 3 D system of walls and doors and possibly windows with clear partitions, clear demarcations, clear ENDINGS . There are corners to the room . What’re the corners of the universe ? Does it have a corner ? Or is it a mindboggling endless amount of Space; a very confounding idea . How can it go on forever ?

“Everything that has a beginning has an ending” , so where’s the ending of the universe ? . Maybe it merges into another universe that’s there on the border, a second one that possibly mirrors ours, allowing thus for the thought of parallel universes. Again that incorporates infinity , because there can be an infinite number of parallel universes. That’s an idea my mind can never properly fathom, how can there be an infinity when all we experience and are exposed to has some ‘finity’ to it, or at least in our understanding and perception of it it does. Now check the contradiction of that , suppose the universe DOES have an ending , one that we haven’t yet detected because information of it is still travelling to us. Then the obvious question that arises is , what’s there beyond it ? Space itself is nothingness, so there MUST be something after the ending , which within itself contradicts the very possibility of an ending to the universe . So I guess I can safely (or dangerously) conclude that there really IS no ending. VERY dissatisfying i can tell you . Either I want to understand the concept of infinity or the possibility of an ending . Neither is well defined and it nags me like crazy…. since right now sleep IS a possibility I can understand I think I’ll accept it and contemplate on infinities and non-infinities later.

(as an extra note, EVERYTHING is intrinsically infinite- no ending of finding smaller and smaller particles, and since the universe is based on them , looking outwards from inside we see that even the universe is definitely infinite , at the same time, if we find there is a smallest particle beyond which there is nothing , something we’ll never definitively prove actually, then the universe DOES have an ending 🙂 )

An unforgettable trip…an unbelievable experience…

”This is going to be too easy “, I thought. The most significant challenge one can face is holding strong in the face of possible death.

Karan’s birthday treat to all his friends was to take us camping. We’d gone to the outskirts of Bangalore for a two-day camping trip. Part of the trip was a trek to the top of a small hill near the area we were camping.

I’ve always enjoyed trekking simply for the beautiful views from the peak. I don’t mind going to extremes for this purpose. I love looking at the world from a higher vantage point- to look at what I see linearly in 3D and for its entirety.

We left early in the morning around seven and took sandwiches with us to have on the trek up for breakfast. We carried with us a big two-litre water bottle that we thought would be sufficient for the entire trek.  A local guided the trek, warning us early on, that there were leopards in the area. Then he told us that they normally didn’t hunt during the day. All six of us there heaved a sigh of relief! As I realized, we were yet to learn many things from the trek.

While trekking uphill, we had fun trying to locate a peacock whose call we could hear clearly. That wily peacock eluded us despite our concerted efforts. There were thorn plants nearly every inch of the way, which we had trouble avoiding; and our clothes kept getting caught in it.

Several places uphill, sheer rock faces made us feel we were doing professional rock climbing. Besides a few scratches from thorns, we were all safe and still energetic after reaching the summit of the climb. At the peak, the view was exhilarating. I could see the hills all around abounding with greenery.

We were all so excited on reaching the top that we continued without really keeping a track of where we were headed. Inevitably, we got lost. We didn’t remember the path we had followed and neither did our ‘trusted’ guide. The surroundings gave us no clue in discerning the path we had come by.

Our guide looked for a new path down and checked the surrounding areas, until he found one that didn’t seem particularly dangerous. We followed that path down.

Expecting no problems in trekking, we had not equipped ourselves with safety harnesses. The first part of the path involved sliding down a steep rock face. The only thing that ensured our safe landing was the friction between our jeans and the rock. I was terrified but felt excited, as I could see the drop into a thick thorn forest just beyond the rock face and I feared that my momentum would carry me too far. I was slightly overweight and  this place seemed to be rooting out the unfit. But physics meant that the smarter person was also fitter. I ensured that on my way down I kept my velocity to a minimum and achieved maximum friction by keeping my body pressed against the rock surface. Though it was life-threatening, it gave me a  feeling of excitement and exhilaration. I knew I wouldn’t let anything happen to me.

I had the strength to hold on. I arrived at the bottom of it feeling thoroughly proud of myself and thinking that I could go home now. The ‘happy ending’ was still a long way to come. After navigating a few steep curves and drops we found ourselves in the middle of the thick thorn forest.

The thorn forest wasn’t at all sympathetic to our plight, and kept scratching us as we went further down the hill. Many of us got cuts and bites as well. In some places we were forced to nearly break the plants partially to make our way through. Our only source of direction was the feeling that we were headed down an incline. In the meantime we faced a new predicament as someone had finished up the water and it didn’t look like we were any closer to civilization than before. We moved on unhindered- there were bigger things to worry about.

After over an hour of getting scratched, cut, bitten and tripped by the tree roots, we made it into a slightly more open area. Our dismay was acute; we were still,miles away from our campsite. There was nothing to be done but to move on and I lead the way in the general direction of our camp while our guide kept looking for simpler paths. I tried to look for trails that had fewer plants and trees with thorns. Taking a stick, I proceeded to hack down plants that blocked our way.

It had now been over four hours since we had left the camp and we were all dehydrated and feared that one of us would faint. At an opportune time we found a plant with edible berries , we ate them with a ferocity unmatched in even the most primal animals. Times of stress always bring out the survival instincts inherent in all humans.

After another hour of charting our own way through the forest, we came out into a field which was close to our campsite. A yell of sheer, unadulterated joy reached till the heavens. Those of us with a little energy to spare, ran for the safety of civilization. Five hours and twenty minutes after we started the trek, we returned to the camp. One of my friends admitted to finishing the water but all of us were too relieved to do or say anything to him.

The feeling I had, was one of joy, love for life and a desire to develop my physical strength. Luckily all of us were brave enough and had the strength to go through all those tough paths. We are all primitive to the extent of animals when our survival instincts come to the fore. It is only the strong who can hold on to their sophistication in such dire times. While I hadn’t fallen prey to becoming entirely ‘primitive’, I had also not held to my sophistication as, if I had I might not have been in the situation in the first place!

This happened in tenth and till date I have constantly got a feeling of sheer exhilaration on thinking about it…

New thoughts…

“Enjoy your life cAuse u aiN‘t gonna get out of it Alive”

Steve Jobs emphasized oN always living your life as though each Day is your last.. Because he understood the meaning each day had. He’d gone on the path of death and managed to veer off from it before cancer took his life. Life is short no ? I mean ok we get say 70 years on Earth .. in those 70 years some ISRO who had came to our school ,said the amount of useful time we hav is less than a tenth of out lives… Im not too sure on those statistics though.. In that much time how many of us actually do something useful to humanity or the Earth ? How many of us have felt that we’ve truly lived our life ?

Is life worth living if u dont actually live but just survive ? Should we choose to end our life if we  just survive ? Or should we think that we would be selfish to do that .. that we’d hurt those near and dear to us too much if we did that… I guess it would be better to end the purposeless struggle and the monotony that sets in ,in some peoples lives..

But think of the parents of that person who chose to end his life because he felt was of no use to the world and that he was only an embarrassment … I weep for that person … He didn’t deserve such a life.. But he could have made a conscious choice to change and never go back to who he was .. At least those ‘ near and dear ones ‘ could choose to understand what was happening in that guy’s mind.. You can’t just blame someone without thought.. Its like condemning someone to jail without knowing the case…

Suicide is not the modicum of the weak … it is the mode of communication of the powerful .. At least for some.. They choose to say that im not going to do this anymore.. im not going to let these people suffer because of me anymore… These people are martyrs to their line of thought… For many though … Its only a mode of escape .. These people are weak .. But we should always remember that even we were weak when we were kids .. These people who are weak could grow.. Unlike kids ..they wont grow in the body but in the mind…

In the US a novel project called the ‘Yellow ribbon project’ was started a few years back.. It tells those who feel they should commit suicide to just talk about it..There are people ready to listen to them..Its saved thousands of lives to date..

I know i contradicted myself several times in the article .. But its because i dont no wat to think now…Something happened that confused me..And made me wonder whether this life is worth living for those people who no they arent doing anything with the gift of life given to them ..For anyone who has thought of suicide..Remember that you werent brought to life so you could kill yourself..You dont no wats on the other side either so .. Just think about it..  Life might just be better… 🙂

That advert which says “its your life .. live it large” (Seagrams or something)..Makes so much sense..