In Median Res

There is a void somewhere within me, within my conscious cognition and I need to fill it. I’m still looking, but I think this is something that you can’t find, it has to find you.

I feel a desire to write coming on. As if something just suddenly decided that it was time for me to give in to a carnal urge that has forever tried to run away from me. I was always wondering if I was doing the right thing by not writing for so long, however that never provided the impetus to get into it. Only today after watching an unutterably brilliant movie, a movie that just left me speechless at the end of it and made me wonder whether life as I thought it existed was the truth did I once more feel that urge. Certain movies have that power, a way of connecting with you on such a deep level that you yourself aren’t conscious of it. While all this may sound like complete bullshit-to me it has a definite and quite clear meaning. To me it just shows that the mind is capable of unbelievable things, things we are as yet unable to comprehend simply because it is beyond our ability to do so, yet our mind does it all the time. How do you solve such a paradox? You simplify it, for otherwise the paradox would only convolute itself and make things even tougher- we make it into the conscious and the subconscious. Now what I’ve said till now is only that the sub-conscious mind is so powerful that we haven’t even scratched its capabilities yet and there’s no brain botox yet in the world. That very subconscious is what is guiding me right now, every word I write does not have a source within my cognitive mind, it comes from deeper within, from the hidden depths of my subconscious. I know because as I write I’m not consciously THINKING about what I’m trying to say, it’s just coming to me as a flow.

That was the first time I actually thought about what I wanted to write, as a particularly complicatedly named psychologist pointed, those of us in a state of flow are in our maximum productivity state, our maximum efficiency state. This state of mind is never brought about by the conscious mind, it’s a product of the subconscious, if I ‘d had a chance to read his book, I would’ve known if Mihaly(that’s only his first name mind you) had referred to it as such. Moving on I know that right now regardless of my flow with writing, I don’t feel it in other parts of my life. That’s creating some sort of void, to be honest I don’t even know if THAT is what is causing it. I just know of it’s existence, which poses a particularly perplexing problem. If you knew you were being poked somewhere on your body and you didn’t know where so that you could stop it, how irritated would you feel? That somewhat resembles my present predicament. For some purpose my mind is peering at P words, somewhat influenced by Mr.Popper’s Penguins no doubt, which resides somewhere within the S.C – subconscious.

This rambling post was only to pay heed to a desire to express something I felt was inexpressible, something like that void I keep referring to. I watched “The Usual Suspects” and I couldn’t express to myself what I thought about the movie, I felt, emotionally-sadness, euphoria, anger and frustration all at once, that medley gave way to that state of flow that was present when I wrote those first two paragraphs and has disappeared since. Anyway I don’t want to write a glowing review of the movie, just want to say that if you haven’t watched it, it’s worth watching. My opinion of Kevin Spacey as an actor, marred by the kind of role he had in American Beauty(forgive the attribution error), is only rising higher and higher with each successive movie of his that I’m exposed to.

I know that an ending can make the entire storyline and the ending of “The Usual Suspects” made the movie without a doubt. I’ll now get into a car and drive away to my freedom from the clutter that is this post, and so can you! Congratulations.


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