This is not a self-help article , this is a very selfish , self retrospective , externally critical article ,which could very easily offend you considerably. If , like me , you have a weak psyche , I advise against proceeding further . For the , uh , strong hearted ( whatever that means, because how well your heart pumps blood hardly affects how well you can handle what I’m going to write) we shall forge ahead on a path never before established. I’m not sure what has altered my consciousness the most , the downright destruction of my academic standing or all the hanging around people who laugh at ‘he CAME’ jokes. Its a surprise to me,myself, that a weak thing like me , filled with squishy things manages to get up every morning , and breaks out into a smile when it sees the sun.
First of all , I’m homesick . I miss you Bangalore , all your restaurants and everything else.I’d never ever thought I’d be forced to admit that to myself , albeit everyone else. Food somehow tops my list of things I really really want more of . I don’t mean some forgettable food I gulp down to survive, I mean , food that makes me feel like I’m on cloud 9 , like there’s nothing better , an indescribable high. I need to go to more restaurants . I want to experience a place which gives me food that’s a feast for all the senses , flavourful and aromatic , and looking better than the most beautiful girl(kind of shows you where I rate what on my list of important things ) .
And then its over. And you wonder the sensibility in buying another 1000 rupee dish . Now this is what I don’t want , I don’t want to be sensible. With a world filled with critics and idiots (hard to differentiate) it’s very tough to explain you don’t want to be sensible . Nature is a mean mean female , forcing you to behave however it seems right to her , without letting you really design things in your own fashion . It’s impossible to break out from under her clutches, its like denying your very humanity , something I would love to do . As I already mentioned, I am NOT ‘gaga’ about humanity and the way things work in society.
‘A life unexamined is a life not worth living’- Socrates . So examine and re-examine until you are satisfied with how things stand , YOU, and not someone else should be satisfied.
My last and final way to be happy is the most (well to my friends it would seems so at least) senseless. I want to study . Its the simplest way I’ll feel more happy , nothing can possibly raise my spirit the way knowing more can make me feel . That was why my 12th was so jubilant despite the obvious consequences from all the exams .
I sincerely hope all this works . No one’s saying that you cant screw up your life, you have the sole right to do so , but remember that when you retrospect after 20 years , you might not feel so satisfied. So do what feels good now , and what WILL , even after 20 years .